I really dislike feeling exhausted.
And I am tired every day.
From lack of sleep, work and exercise.
But how am I supposed to change that?
Insomnia doesn’t just go away.
And I have to work out.
And it’s not like I have a ton of bills to pay but my phone bill, car note and grocery expenses add up.
On top of that, I am trying to save up to move out and buy a new laptop.
I’ve been in this rut for a while, and the car thing has been temporary but for some reason I always spend too much.
I nearly paid $400 for my dads glasses when I am on my last pair of contact lenses, I have glasses but I can’t wear them at the gym; can’t risk damaging them.
I spent too much at Christmas, I still can’t believe it.
I really dislike my job. Office desk jobs are just not for me, I find this out at age 23 with too many credits shy of any degree.
I say no regrets but I regret missing school.
Then again I was no good at academics, because no one took me seriously when I said I have ADD and minor dyslexia, added to poor self esteem; there goes my confidence.
And although I work out, I still feel like it’s for nothing. I still feel fat. When I was younger, I was bullied for being “the ugly one” out of my friends. Lets just say that feeling never left. And now I feel like “the fat one”. I have actually avoided public outings with people, even my homegirls, just because I felt ashamed to stand next to them, they’re so much more fit than I am. And I feel ashamed of that, too.
At this point, I really am at a loss of what to do.